


A Sad, Sad Hag and a Boy Clad in a Polo Shirt

by ElleA



Category: Glee
Genre: Friendship, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 07:54:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5449007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleA/pseuds/ElleA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bizarre things keep happening at the diner where Kurt works. First, there's the sniffling hag who makes everyone uncomfortable with her knowledge. Then, there's the loud and lousy friend. There's also the inappropriate one. And in the end, the knight in the bright, shining armor just wears a polo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sad, Sad Hag and a Boy Clad in a Polo Shirt

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> This is the first fanfic ever I post on this website, and it's also the first one I wrote in English, which is not my mother language... so, be patient (kinda? I'm always looking for constructive criticism). 
> 
> This fic was written as a response to an old prompt at Blam Central; prompt that I slightly modified. At the time this was first published, I wrote to Blam Central, but there was no answer. So, if you're the one who prompted it, let me know... I'd appreciate it!
> 
> Thanks for stopping by. Love, Elle.
> 
> P.s. ORIGINAL PROMPT AT THE BOTTOM

“Dammit, Santana!” Kurt mumbled under his breath, cursing at the retreating back of a slim body. Yet again, the beautiful Latin girl left him one of the most obnoxious customer they had at the diner. Santana turned around quickly, facing Kurt for a few seconds, just the time to give him a cheeky grin and a wink. She then walked away swiftly, reaching behind the counter to slap her girlfriend’s butt.

Kurt shook his head, completely unfazed by the behavior of his flatmate; after almost two years of living together he was accustomed to all the quirks and eccentricities of one of his best friends. Also, if your other flatmate and best friend is none other than Rachel Berry, _well_ – you get used to pretty much all kind of weirdness.

Shaking off his thoughts, he strut to the customer waiting to be served. While he approached the dreadful woman, one of the worst customer ever, he heard the door opening and lifting his gaze from his note block, he was faced with one of the most bizarre vision he ever saw at the diner. And that was saying something.

Pushing the door open with extreme difficulty, as if it weighted like a rocky mountain, was a definitely tired looking Tina. Her shoulders lowered, her head bowed down as if she was trying to avoid looking in front of herself and moving skittishly, she made quite the entry, loudly blowing her nose.

Kurt saw Rachel stopping mid air serving a coke, almost spilling it all over a bald, old man, dressed in what Kurt liked to call a “Mr. Schue look”; loose fitting jeans, a white shirt and a terrible, terrible, plaid vest. The Jewish girl apologized profusely, but quickly, with the promise of a free drink, and then left the man’s table. She walked fast and swiftly in the direction of a small table in one of the farthest corner of the diner, where Tina sat.

Just as she reached the friend’s table, Kurt shifted his gaze to the counter and saw Santana narrowing her eyes in their direction, even stopping flirting with Dani. He knew what she was doing; Santana was never one unprepared. She always assessed the situation she was throwing herself in with an analytic mind, a cold heart and a calculating gaze. After a few seconds, he saw her standing from the stool she was sat on, bidding her girlfriend goodbye with a lousy kiss and starting to slowly walk through the diner, directed to Tina’s table. Kurt, as he always did, watched with fascination the way Santana carried herself; with such an air of confidence, and pride, but also elegance. He knew he would never get to her level of ‘awesomeness’ ( _Damn,  Blaine, you and your nerdy ways)_.

Just as he was releasing a sigh of relief at not being needed to handle the Tina Situation, and was actually going to do his job, he felt a snap of fingers and his friend’s shout: “Porcelain, leave the sad, sad cat lady and come help the sad, sad hag lady.”

 Kurt closed his eyes and bristled under his breath; Santana was as offensive and abrasive as always. And she was probably never going to change.

He shot a quick smile and some fake apologies to the sad, sad cat lady and went to join his female friends. Nobody, not even the obnoxious lady or their boss, Gunther, was worth the wrath of one Santana Lopez.

 As he approached Tina’s table, he realized that the situation was probably far worse than he had imagined at the beginning.

For once, Tina was dressed in all black. Black leather, with lot of laces and crochets, in a shadowing remembrance of old, gothic times; that was never a good sign. When she first entered the diner she was wearing her sunglasses; now her fabulous Dior glasses that he helped picked were dismissed on the table and Tina was showing dark bags circling bloodshot, puffy eyes, like if she hadn’t be able to sleep well in a while. Her head and shoulders were bowed down, her normally straight posture a far memory by now. _Honestly_ , Kurt thought, _she looked like crap_.

Obviously, he was never going to say it out loud, out of politeness – and because he didn’t want to die young. And also obviously, the same courtesy was not granted by Santana, who loudly and very freely spoke her mind. “Shit, Asian, did your other Asian die? You look like crap!”

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers as Rachel tried to reprimand Santana, who was simply smirking, comfortably sat with her legs and arms crossed. After Santana spoke, Tina stayed silent for a moment, looking down, and then she let loose a loud sob. And then another. And another one.

In the meantime, Rachel and Santana were bickering about Santana’s sensitivity, or better yet, lack thereof. So Kurt had to take upon himself to comfort the sobbing girl. Tina’s crying wasn’t the silent crying she often did in high school, leaned against Mike’s shoulder, anymore; this was the kind of crying that made people turn and stare, so he had to do something, and do it quickly.

He moved, approaching the sobbing mess that was Tina Cohen –Chang at that moment and he put strong arms on her shoulders. He tried to hug her, but the pity party was trying to compose herself enough to speak. So Kurt simply sat next to her, taking her hand and squeezing it, to show her his support.

Tina was beginning to calm down; she even tried, and kind of failed, to smile and squeeze Kurt’s hand back. As her sobs died down, the screaming match between the Jewish and the Latin girl also slowly came to an end. Some moments of silence passed, people gladly returned to their meals as the three older friends stared at the (maybe) ex goth girl.

Kurt observed Tina pensively, clearly surprised by the outburst. Since she moved to New York it had seemed like the girl forgot all about her bitterness and bitchiness of senior year and took a new leaf. She was more laid back, relaxed, content. Or at least it looked like it.

The pale boy remembered well the day Blaine and Sam had announced that they were going to move to the Big Apple together with Tina, the often left out member of the mismatched trio. Kurt remembered also very well how much perplex he was, something along the line: “Yeah, Blaine, she may be your female best friend, but really, she’s an hag. And not in the nice way, as a male gay’s bestie. More like an arpy. Are you sure you want to live with that?” Or even: “Blaine, come on, you can’t think that’s fine to live with a dork who wants to make pasta art as a living and a bitch who really needs a reality check.” And these were only the nicer things Kurt said, what he was really thinking he didn’t dare to express out loud. Santana, and even Kitty, the new Barbie girl, hadn’t been so gracious in letting a baffled Blaine know their opinions.

But then Kurt had seen his ex’s apartment in the city, and it was nice; maybe a bit too colorful and messy for Kurt, but it definitely suited the three friends. It was so full of life; Tina’s medical book all scattered around the living room, mixed with Blaine’s music sheets and Sam’s canvases and brushes. The kitchen always stocked with treats; candies of all kind, chocolate bars and a lot of always fresh, fragrant bakery products the three of them enjoyed preparing in the evening, as a way of bonding and spend a cheap, cold night together, without bothering to go out. The walls were painted in different colors for different rooms, making the place what Britt had defined “ _a giant unicorn’s poop_ ”.

Kurt, even after all the hurt of the cheating, and the messy break up, and the frequent hook ups, and even a failed engagement, still cared deeply for his first love. Blaine had never been only his high school sweetheart; he was, first and foremost, his best friend, his soul mate. And even if they weren’t a couple anymore, he still wanted the best for the beautiful boy who saved him in more ways that he could possibly be aware of. So, after and despite the doubts about his living arrangement, at the end he was really happy that his best friend found his home, his safe haven, with the – _admittedly crazy –_ people who cared so much about him.

And after all the madness of the younger guys’ senior year – from the vapo-rape to the shooting to the conception of their secret identities – , Kurt even tentatively started to create a bond with Sam and Tina, trying to better understand Blaine’s new world. And he found out that he really didn’t know the two; that Sam was more than his impressions and good looks, and that Tina wasn’t the bitter young girl he remembered, but she looked every day more and more like the sophomore year’s Tina, the one he took shopping, who got his dry humor and his wittiness, and even all his niche references. All in all, Kurt really thought that New York helped mold these new Sam, Blaine and Tina; they were more grown up, they supported each other and above all, they were a family.

That was why, when he saw Tina enter the diner, Kurt really couldn’t phantom what happened to make her find her old, dramatic ways again and, mostly, why she wasn’t crying on her boys’ shoulders.

Rachel, sensing the awkward silence, decided to take the matter in her own hands, like the true leader she was – or at least she believed to be. “Tina, sweetie,” She began, trying to get the younger girl’s attention. “Why don’t you tell us what happened? Are you ok?”

Tina lifted her head just for a moment, wailing loudly and trying to explain herself. “I can’t, I just can’t anymore – they’re there and they’re doing it and, God,” She sniffled, stifling a sob.

“Oh, God, please tell me that Miss dramatic stutter is not making her big comeback. I really couldn’t bear it!” Santana exclaimed with an exaggerated huff.

“Santana!” Kurt hissed, scolding the girl. “Tina, take a deep breath, sweetie. You really need to tell us what is going on, so that we can help you. I mean, you really look like you haven’t sleep in a few days, a week maybe, and you look scarred for your life. Tell us what happened, so we can understand…”

While Kurt was talking, Tina looked directly in his eyes, kind of searching for support. When he finished, she took a deep breath and she began speaking.

“Today, it’s 4 days, 18 hours and 30 minutes now that I don’t sleep.” She announced with a much more steady voice.

“Oh, don’t doubt it, vampire queen, we can clearly see it.” Santana muttered under her breath, without even trying to be subtle.

Kurt rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet. Now that Tina had finally begun to talk, he really couldn’t wait to know what happened to their friend. Obviously she was tired, with bags and red eyes like those, it was a given. But what Kurt was really curious about was why; he hadn’t seen an outburst like this one from Tina since her scene about _Blue Valentine_.

Tina inhaled deeply. “I really can’t talk about this. I mean, I was ok when they told me. Happy, even. But now? Now that I heard? That I know what I’m going to endure? How can I be happy? I really want to be there for them, and be supportive, - I mean, they’re my besties – but I can’t live like this.” The last word was slurred, sign that Tina was working herself up again. Kurt tried to show his support once again, squeezing her hand once more.

Santana, ever the patient one, began to grumble. “Seriously, I thought that Fairy Casper here and his hag, Jewish Nose, couldn’t get more competition in the Drama Queen Department, but maybe I was wrong. Just tell us what the hell happened in that rainbow trap that you call home, before we begin to wrinkle and I have to suffer through another one of His Highnesses Skin Crisis.”

Rachel immediately engaged Santana in a discussion, wanting to defend her honor and, to a lesser extent, that of his best friend. With both of them totally engrossed in their bickering, only Kurt heard what Tina answered. And to say that her whispered words shocked him to his core was using an euphemism.

Seeing Kurt’s blank expression, Santana threw a _‘Shut your mouth, hobbit’_ at Rachel and shifted her gaze toward Tina again. “Come on, Gothika, say it again. Maybe this time it’ll be at a frequency that we all can hear, not at one only for our friend with freakishly elfish ears.”

Tina bitch-glared her, but repeated it again. This time, louder. “I said that Sam and Blaine started dating, finally. The only problem is that they’ve begun screwing around, too. And they’re fucking loud. I never imagined Sam being so vocal!” She shivered, almost if she was remembering something.

In the meantime, her companions were trying to digest the news, with different degrees of acceptance. Rachel was stunned into silence – something that wasn’t easy at all – and maybe, underneath her stupor, was also kind of worried for her Best Gay and happy that her other Best Gay finally had the man he had pinned over for so long. Also, she was disappointed that nobody told her before. _I mean, come on, I was, and I still am, the glue of these people. How dare they leave me out of the loop? Oh, Blaine’s gonna hear about it!_

Santana, unexpectedly, was only mildly surprised; she was smirking, obviously amused by the situation. And probably already planning ways to embarrass her Gay Boy Band. _Oh, she was going to have so much fun teasing Anderson until he would be red in the face, smiling in fake politeness to mask his true will to insult her; rising any emotion different from niceness out of Helmet Gel was always difficult, but she loved good challenges. And Trouty, oh Trouty, how many jokes she could think of about that sinful mouth of his. This was pure gold. Almost better than any lady-on-lady-time with Dani. Almost._

Kurt was frowning. Simple as that. He was fixing a point in the wall behind Rachel’s back with void eyes, his hands tied together and his lips pursed. He looked like he was concentrating really hard on something that was out of reach.

Rachel, being the good friend she was – or at least believed to be – shook herself out of her stupor, reaching to grasp Kurt’s free hand to show him her support. Kurt expression scrunched ever harder, as if he wanted to contain his emotions.

“It’s okay to let it go, sweetie.” Began Rachel with a soft tone. “We know you loved, maybe still love, Blaine. It’s ok to mourn the loss of a lost love. Personally, I think this could be gold for a try at songwriting.” She started moving her hands excited. “Imagine a Barba-resque musical arrangement speaking about losing one, true love to a bisexual in the closet.”

Santana interrupted her. “God, you want to make me throw up. Seriously, these dramatic ways of yours? They wanna make me start hurling insults at your way. Or maybe even put out my razors again. My hands are itching, Hobbit, and you’re first on my list.”

Kurt really couldn’t take it anymore. He snorted, making the three girls giving him all their attention, and then, he began shaking. From laughter. He was laughing so hard he had to keep his stomach and had tears streaming down his rosey cheekbones.

After a long minute, during which his friends looked at him as if he had lost his mind, he began recomposing himself. He dried his tears and he adjusted himself on his seat.

“Oh, girls, I really needed a good laugh today.”

Rachel and Tina just sat open-mouthed, shocked at his behavior, while Santana scowled. “Not that I don’t appreciate the fact that for once Man Hands has her mouth open but she’s not singing, but what the hell are you laughing at?”

Kurt just smiled. “You really are a bunch of self-centered bitches.” Santana was about to reply, but he stopped her. “Come on, San, you know I adore you, but you seriously are a lot self involved, and maybe even a bit selfish. All the three of you. Yeah, Rachel, shockingly enough you have some flaws, so shut your mouth.”

He shook his head, smiling. “Blaine asked me if I was okay with them dating like – 2 or maybe even 3 months ago. Two of your closest friends are dating each other and you didn’t even notice… They were trying to take things slowly, but I’m willing to bet that they’re going at it since a lot more than 4 days, dear Tina.” He smirked, fixing his gaze on a frightened Tina. “And I’m also willing to bet that when Blaine’s going to bottom, you’ll lose even more of your sleep. He’s kind of a screamer.”

Rachel interrupted him and in a seriously offended tone, she asked. “First of all I really don’t know how they could do this to us; they began seeing each other without saying anything to us? And you, you didn’t say anything either. Also, how are you so chill about it? It’s your soulmate having sex, hell, having a relationship with his apparently bisexual best friend.” She spelled the last word, putting emphasis on the bisexual part, like it was supposed to be infuriating for Kurt that Sam wasn’t open about his sexuality.

“Oh, Rachel, please… You’re so concentrated about yourself lately, hell, _always_ , that you wouldn’t even notice if they started having sex in front of your eyes.”

Santana smirked. “Me gusta!”

Kurt glared at Santana. “Just stop for a minute, San!” He turned toward Rachel again. “It wasn’t my story to tell, and also, seeing your reactions… I kind of get why they preferred keeping it for themselves for the time being. Point three from your terrible list, I never had a problem with bisexual people.” Continued Kurt. “Look at my relationship with Britt, or Puck. It really isn’t an issue. And I’m kind of disappointed that my best friend think so low of me. I love Blaine. Like, really love. He’s the most important person in my life after my dad. But our feeling now are pretty platonic. And – “ He interrupted himself, smiling.

Santana grinned. “Oh, you look like the cat that got the milk… You’re totally doin’ someone. My third Mexican eye is trembling in anticipation. Spill the name, Little Pony.”

Kurt just smirked, winking at her and then refocused on Tina. “Tina, my darling friend, you really are blind to gay affairs. Trust me, just go and buy some ear plugs… You’ll need it.”

With that, he gracefully got up, fixing his uniform. “Well, while your useless drama unfolded, Blaine texted me, saying to expect a visit from you, Tina. I can answer that the emergency is over, I believe?” He fixed the black dressed girl with a stern glare, to which she could only nod in answer.

Kurt smiled sweetly, if not a little faux, and then nodded at his two coworkers with an air of finality. He really didn’t want to stay listening to their idiocy any longer. He had better things to do, and to think about. Blaine and Sam were wonderful together and he was totally shipping them, so, to him, the discussion was over. “I believe you have a drink to offer, dear Rachel, so maybe it’s time to go back to work...” Rachel stood up, clearly offended by not knowing first hand such a news and by the dismissal just received from Kurt, and left their table with a simple wave in Tina’s direction and a nasty glare for Kurt and Santana.

“And you, Santana, you left a beautiful lady hanging. I think you should go, too.”

“You’re right, Hummel. But mark my words, Elfish Friend, I will find who you’re screwing with. And then I’ll have my revenge. Sweet, and cold. And perfect.” She smiled, patting his back. “Asian, I say you shall see me soon. After all, I have a nerdy duo to make fun of. You can warn them, if you want, but it will be more fun for everyone if you keep your trap shut. But I know it isn’t a easy feat for you.” She shook her head in faux sadness, then blew Tina a kiss and left, too, swaying her hips seducingly.

Tina still sat, a little shocked and a little worried. “Sweetie, I need to go back to work. You can stay and order something, or you can go home, talk to your boys and ask them money for those earplugs.” Tina fixed him for some time and then scrambled to her feet, bidding him goodbye on her way to the door. She really wasn’t expecting Kurt to already know about the forming of Blam, and she surely didn’t expect him to be so okay with it. So okay to even get worked up about it with her, and then after Rachel’s comments. Was it that obvious? Was it so crystal clear that Blaine and Sam had non platonic feelings for each other? And so, were they really so self involved not to realize what was happening between two of their friends? She really needed to rethink her priorities – once again. And she needed to speak with her friends, to apologize, to clarify some things… and to ask about that money.

Kurt watched Tina leave, mumbling to herself, clearly lost in thought. He shook his head, _his friends really were oblivious to everything that didn’t involve them._ He took his phone from the pocket of his trousers and sent a quick text to Blaine, reassuring him that Tina was okay. She was fine with their relationship, she just needed some time to clear her head. Then he texted another person: _“You do not imagine what just happened here. Girls found out about Blam. Tina freaked out, Santana is planning jokes and Rachel thought I needed my (selfish) hag. I really need a drink. Coffee after my shift? P.s. Santana also found out about you. Well, not really you. But that there is a you…Be prepared.”_

He pocketed his phone again, approaching Santana and Dani flirting at the counter. Just then, a tall, handsome boy, dressed in jeans and a polo shirt, entered the diner. His phone went off and he smirked while reading his text. He gave a laugh and lift his gaze up, looking for something with his eyes.

That day, after the young man clad in a polo shirt entered the diner, another bizarre thing occurred. Santana Lopez stopped flirting with her girlfriend, she sniffed the air, turned towards the door and smirked. “NO WAY, Hummel! You’re screwing Sebastian Meerkat-faced Smythe!”

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: Blamtina are now roomies in NYC, they live in a different building than Kurtcheltana. Kurt is hanging out at the diner Rachel and Santana waitress at when Tina comes in exhausted. When he asks why she says she’s been having trouble sleeping since Blaine and Sam started having sex. Everyone freaks out and Pezberry drop everything to hear the story. Submitted by: Anonymous


End file.
